Harry Potter 7.2, viewing 2

There haven't been many major boons to moving to Colorado. Sure, I'm amid much more impressive nature and am a 40-minute drive away from what might as well be the outdoor capital of the world. Plus, I love working with the people I do. But I don't know many people out here, and Craig isn't quite the hustle and bustle center of the world, even compared to Dayton.
But one great thing so far has been subscribing to television for the first time, and getting as a result of my contract three free months of HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, Starz and Encore. Add those channels to all the typical cable channels, and there is always something good to be found on TV. That being said, I had been disappointed in HBO for having multiple channels playing "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2" most days of the week. That's cause I hated HP7.2. I've never understood how such a travesty could garner a 96 percent fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes (with an 8.4/10 average score), especially since HP7.1 (a far superior flick)got just a 79 percent.

Then I got to thinking: why not take advantage of my resources, and see if I can figure out what all the fuss was about? Did I miss something on the first viewing? So I set HP7.2 to record, and with the NBA Finals over, decided to fire the 'ole DVR up. What follows is a log of my reactions to the movie as I was watching it (with enough beer flowing that it was going to be fun no matter what, but not so many beers that this would get out of control). Oh and I haven't read an HP book or seen a movie since watching HP7.2 the first time.

Right, we ended 7.1 with Voldemort getting the Elder Wand. I'm feeling mostly caught up. Ah yes and Dobby has just died, which means they've escaped the Malfoy's place. Now I actually am feeling caught up.

Harry is conversing with Griphook about breaking into Gringotts. And it's actually quite excellent. It's almost "Breaking Bad" fantastic. Great start, HP7.2! "There are more than a few curious things in the vaults at Gringotts," and "Perhaps, perhaps not," is absolute gold from the goblin.

Aaaaahhhhhh John Hurt is Mr. Ollivander??? How did I not know this? And why did I not love this movie? Two for two in good scenes right now!

Helena Bonham Carter as Hermione polyjuicing Bellatrix Lestrange--great.

Okay, we're heading to the vault and the CGI, as always, is incredible. Thoroughly enjoying this part, even though it's meaningless. If there's one reason I could understand people saying they liked this movie, then the special effects work. But that's no different than plenty of films coming out these days. Transformers had fabulous special effects for crying out loud.

Wait a second, Griphook's accent changed. He sounds like an American. I don't like him anymore.

They did a great job bringing the scene in Lestrange's vault to life. Trinkets popping up everywhere is pretty cool.

Okay so the trio has escaped the vault and are riding the dragon and this dialogue ensues:
Harry--"We're dropping"
Ron--"I say we jump!"
Hermione--"When?!?!?"
Harry--"Now!"
And that's the end of that scene. Why??

Everyone's stripping and arguing. Radcliffe and Grint had their shirts off in about 20 seconds. Watson starts unbuttoning her overgarment and every fanboy in the theaters on opening day and during viewings since popped a stiffy. Alas, she throws a blanket over herself. Sorry, it's PG-13 flick boys.

Voldy is not happy. Griphook is dead at Gringotts.

Flashforward to Hogsmeade! Aberforth Dumbledore lets the three main characters in and proceeds to be a huge douche. Enough douchebaggery from Abe to convince me that there's no way he would ever let anyone in anywhere. I remember Aberforth disliking Albus, but not being a dick to everyone else he came across. "That's a boy's answer!" Shut up, dude.

Ariana Dumbledore walks walks away from her painting and comes back with...NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM! After a very rough 20 minutes, we just might get back on track. My favorite character from the movie, memory tells me. He's talking smack about getting Cruciatus Cursed and giving the Carrows what-for. I'm all-in again.

"Lightning has struck"--code for Lupin that HP is back in the saddle.

Luna Lovegood knows what the Ravenclaw horcrux is! LUNA! LUNA!

I just remembered the biggest reason I hate these movies from 5-ish on. Ginny Weasley hits the screen for the first time. Here's the exchange:
Ginny: "Harry."
Harry: "Hi"
Ron: wisecrack about not being appreciated as a brother.
Remember when Bruce Wayne's love interest Rachel transformed between "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight"? That wasn't just makeup. They chose to use a different actress! And nobody cared! Why Why Why didn't the HP directors/producers/casting people do the same thing. Or was it the writers who just killed Ginny? HOW DID SHE GO FROM SOMEONE EVERYBODY WANTED TO HOOK UP WITH IN THE BOOKS TO ANN MULLANY IN THE MOVIES?

Okay, Severus Snape addressing the assembly. Alan Rickman continues to be the rock of this series, as he has been since movie uno. "Anyone found to have knowledge of these events...will be treated as equ...qually guilty." Too good!

Harry Potter shows himself to Snape! And here comes the Order of the Phoenix! And his main move is to rag on Snape's security and then tell the man everyone believes to be the villain that he is in fact the villain. That was weak HP.

Thank God McGonagall stepped in. Harry was about to get worked. Go Minerva.

Here comes Voldemort speaking in everyone's mind. Ralph Fiennes: pretty underrated as the Dark Lord.

Ginny steps in front of HP (looking pitiful) as Pansy Parkinson sells him out! YEAH GINNY!...and then Finch comes in as some sort of comedic relief? COME ON. This is supposed to be dead serious right now. Natural comedy would have been fine, but we get a cheap laugh of Minny McGonagall calling Filch a "blithering idiot." Sigh.

Maggie Smith (McGonagall) is another great actor in this series. We didn't know her in America before HP, but she's excellent. Why don't we have more awesome old American actors? This brings up an even bigger point though. How did these movies mostly suck with all the acting talent they employed? Usually acting can cover up mistakes, but in HP it only seems to make them glare brighter.

The shields are up around Hogwarts, so HP presumably has time to make his move.

L-U-N-A L-O-V-E-G-O-O-D. DROP. SOME. KNOWLEDGE. Talk to a dead girl. AKA the grey lady. AKA Helena Ravenclaw. AKA Rowena's daughter. But GL knows what Harry is here about. She won't help. But HP wants to destroy it! That got her attention.

Voldemort: "They never learn. such a pity."
rando follower "my lord, shouldn't we wait?"
Voldemort: (thinking) "who is this guy?." (speaking) "Begin."
Other than rando Death Eater, pretty great scene.

Back to HP and Grey Lady:
Lets talk about Tom Riddle. Grey Lady gets unreasonably angry at HP for saying a name, and about things that Tom Riddle did, nothing HP did. Strange reaction. But she drops a line about the Room of Requirement to close. HP is on the trail.

Kingsley Shacklebolt is being as badass as ever, but he still feels like he might need a couple wands to hold off the Death Eater onslaught.
OBLIGATORY SCENE WITH THE WEASLEY TWINS EXCHANGING SIX WORDS:
"You alright Freddy?"
"Yeah"
"Me too"
Glad we got that in.

Ohhhhhh! It's a flaw in the movie that I can't blame on filmmakers. This one's on Rowling. Ron Weasley is the first wizard in history to be able to imitate Parseltongue! And we're in the Chamber of Secrets.

Hermione with the Horcrux Kill!...followed by some random magic happening to the water that doesn't really make sense. Followed by Ron and Hermione...sucking face! Hell yeah Ronnie! Who cares about the rest of the horcruxes! You've got that bitty on lockdown in the Chamber of Secrets. Ralph Fiennes won't care. (I'm pretty sure the entire theater was applauding when I first saw this scene, which is ridiculous)

Longbottom not looking so tough as the Hogwarts defensive shields have been broken. I still love you Neville, as you blow up a bridge and re-up your awesomeness. Oh my! Ginny showed some emotion as Neville jumped to save himself. Haven't seen any of that when HP has been involved. What gives, Gin-Gin?

Hogwarts knights doing battle with trolls. Not going well for the knights, but they've got the numbers. WHOA! Awesome spell from the Hogwarts side casting a dude back out the window from whence he came.

"Never better! I feel like I could...spit fire! You haven't seen Luna have ya? I'm hot for her! Think it's about time I told her since we'll probably both be dead by dawn!"
This golden line from Neville Longbottom is followed by yet another embarrassing scene between HP and Ginny. They kiss, and let's just be polite and say it didn't exactly give the "Princess Bride" a run for its money.

Into the Room of Requirement HP goes, with Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Ron and Hermione in tow. It's gonna get hairy. Right. Goyle shooting off Avada Kedavras all of a sudden. Who knew he had it in him? All things considered, though, cool scene in the Room of Requirement. Great effects. Here's the problem with it though: This scene, like most of the other great ones so far, are not important ones. Sure, a horcrux goes down, but we're far enough along that this is a meaningless horcrux. We still need teh snake and to figure out where the final crux is. Most of the key scenes are completely blown (see: HP 6, Dumbledore dying, and a few to come, if memory serves).

Holy cow, Voldemort just killed random Death Eater. Couldn't say for sure based on a couple rewinds, but it looked like the same dude as before, which makes his inclusion earlier more worthwhile.

The British pronunciation Loo-see-us is way cooler than our Loo-shus.

A troll just hit a bell the trio were inside and they aren't dazed at all. They've also killed three death eaters while running across the grounds. Hell yeah.

Rickman and Fiennes. Elder Wand. Severus, you killed Dumbledore. Oops.

I remember this being the one scene I loved the first time I saw the movie. Harry is grabbing Snape's tear-memories. Don't let me down on second viewing pensieve!

A Weasley twin has died. It's been long enough since I read the book that I can't remember which one. Same goes for Lupin and Tonks. Glad we spent five minutes talking to Helena Ravenclaw and five more showing what the Lost & Found version of the Room of Requirement looks like so that we could glaze over the deaths of three key characters with a quick Mrs. Weasley sob. Well done.

Into the pensieve. And, uh, incredibly effective once again. I had tingles. Rickman shines as the younger, heartbroken versions of himself. And geez, they spend FOREVER on this scene. But it was worth it! It is enthralling.

Sensual moment with the snitch, and HP is speaking with his dead elders. I still can't believe Gary Oldman was Sirius Black. That guy is unreal. Lily Potter is almost as bad as Ginny Weasley though.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" in the forbidden forest.

Harry in limbo, or whatever, is a pretty casual dresser. Dumbledore is looking snazzy in a white robe, and HP's rocking a grey tee and jeans. This was a part I don't remember being crazy about when reading it either. Maybe I didn't full understand, but it just struck me as a weak deus ex machina of "old magic" that Rowling needed to conclude the story.

Gotta love/hate the Malfoys. They suck, but all they care about is themselves, so Mama Malfoy ends up being a key reason for Hogwarts' eventual triumph.

Longbottom is walking among rubble on one leg with a pint of blood having dripped out his ear, and still looking ready to brawl. That dude is awesome.

Ugh. Ginny with more lines. "No. Nooooo!" Good grief, get her out of this film. I can't take it anymore. All I can think of is the kids in Lord of the Flies killing Piggy. I would roll a boulder on Ginny in a heartbeat. (Couldn't find a clip from the original black and white film. This is some 1990 remake, but it gets the visual across I guess. Point is, everybody hated Piggy, just like everyone should hate this Ginny).

Longbottom stepping forward, talking smack to Voldemort. Suck it. Seriously. It was Fred Weasley who died by the way. Neville told me. Another reason that dude rules.

HP just came back from the dead and Death Eaters are freaking out. Malfoys didn't fly off like others, but you better believe that crew is done fighting. They just want to be elitist. Is that too much to ask?

HP and Voldemort have gotten separated from everyone else in the entire castle. There are at least a couple hundred other wizards fighting in an already decimated castle, but they're alone.

YES! MY FAVORITE SCENE! Bellatrix Lestrange casts a spell at Ginny Weasley and cackles. Meanwhile, despite the massive battle going on, three Weasleys aren't fighting and turn to see what's going on. Mrs. Weasley steps up and says "Not my daughter, you bitch!" (I'm certain the theater went bonkers for that line when I saw the movie)
Bellatrix keeps laughing and casts three spells, which Molly blocks. She then cackles again, as if she's won the battle. Then Molly Weasley casts several spells of her own, which Bellatrix blocks until for some reason she can't block the final one, and she is killed. (the theater standing ovationed that part).

And this brings me to another major problem: the battle scenes are pitiful. How could they fail? They had Saving Private Ryan (1998), Black Hawk Down (2001), We Were Soldiers (2002), Transformers (2007), The Expendables (2010) and countless other action flicks to base a battle scene on. Somehow, all those movies with riveting action sequences didn't translate to wizardry and spell-casting. Really? One witch/wizard casting 2-6 spells followed by the other casting 2-6 spells was the best they could do? Give me a break.

Harry and Voldemort talking about the Elder Wand, and this line happens:
"What if the wand never belonged to Snape? What if its allegiance was always to someone else? Come on Tom, let's finish this how we started. (Harry hugs Voldemort and jumps off castle) Together!"
Wait...What?

LANCELOT! I mean LONGBOTTOM! Neville just cut Nagini's head off. That was so epic, that despite not happening in the same quadrant of Hogwarts, HP and Voldy stopped casting at each other. They started again though. And now, Harry's expelliarmus has turned Voldemort into an anthrax-like agent travelling through the air. I think we're supposed to think this battle is over, but specks of Voldemort floating around like asbestos aren't making me feel any more comfortable.

Longbottom and Lovegood. Just sitting and loving. No words needed.

The trio holding hands on a bridge outside Hogwarts. I feel so good right now. Other than the fact that no co-ed friends have ever done that.

19 years later. I won't comment on this scene much, other than Bob Saget attempting an english accent would have been more convincing that making Daniel Radcliffe look like he could have an 11-year-old. The funny part? Ginny's actress looks the most convincing as a parent. Maybe that's because she's like a frigid, awful old person.

THE VERDICT
I'll admit it, my disappointment isn't as high as it was after the first time I watched this film. But the beer was totally worn off by the end, and that was unfortunate. The first half of the movie is way better than the second, and the glaring errors still exist. Everyone has their taste in movies and will enjoy things at a different level, but even when we like movies that aren't great, we acknowledge that they are more enjoyable for their tongue-in-cheekiness (think Pirahna 3D or Black Dynamite) or how ridiculous the premises are (The Rundown, Drive Angry and Fast Five are three good examples). It's fine if people enjoyed HP7.2, but not because they believe it was a brilliantly made film. It's not. How reviews like this exist will continue to mystify me. This movie is certainly sensational, but dramatically satisfying and terrifically exciting? Please.

HP7.2 will be linked to film history forever because it is the conclusion to the most successful franchise ever. But that's just it. None of these movies, least of all the final one, ever had a chance to fail. The excitement leading up to them was at such a fever pitch that it was impossible for them to be seen as poor.

All in all, poor's a better adjective than satisfying to describe Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.